I cannot fall asleep

I cannot fall asleep after rolling on the bed for hours. My mind and thinking were interrupted by several number of things.

First of all, my future and my dream. I see myself in many different future and I do not only have just one dream. There are too many things that I want, wish and intend to do. I am overwhelmed by this. I doubt my ability and passion in achieving them. I don't know which is my first priority. There, I don't know what I should do first and where should I land my foot in. sometimes I let nature runs its course or as the Chinese proverb said '船到桥头自然值'. But things occur in a way of 'cause and effect'. If I never start planning and sorting out my problems, how am I going to achieve them?

How am I going to achieve a balance between my interest, my ability, my dream and the reality?

Second, the secrets. I've been keeping too many things within me. Sometimes, I cannot breathe. I simply couldn't say out what really means to me. We only live once, why couldn't I give all in.

Thirdly, the feelings. I somehow, lost it. Numbness is felt instead of anger, sad and happiness.

Okay, done. By the end of the day which is now, I'm back to me again. everything that I wrote above is not relevant anymore which is why I don't know if I should hate or love myself. I always get back to a state of self consoling. There's a smile again. :) I know stuff in life is never permanent. Just like rain and sun. You know that the sun will appear after a rain and the sunny days will eventually followed by rain (simply create one). Haha.

Sometimes I wish I could get scolded more, get reprimand for my wrong doing, get criticized and get blame so that I could know my faults and mistakes. At least I get to know which aspect that I should work hard or change to make it better. Unlike now, I always doubt myself in almost everything.

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