UP.mIx.down: Thoughts

Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts

May 21, 2012

In another time, maybe.

every little bits and pieces hurts.
they made me end up in tears.
those were parts i never have the chance to be in.
and those were the parts between you and her.

haven't i made it clear enough.

too many regrets in life.
that's not too much for another one.

things shouldn't have end up this way.
thinking that perfection leads the way is actually a mistake.
this is the mistake that i've always made and never comes to a sense.

what's there to say when you and i were in silent.
maybe in another time, if it were meant to be.

goodbye, so long.

March 1, 2012

Goodbye or Hello?

Who can understand?

Saying goodbye is easier or saying hello is easier?

February 22, 2012

I want to talk

very tired eyes T^T

Just feel like talking that's why I am blogging now. LOL. Because I'm very happy today. BigBang's BLUE is released. Of course not just that. Is because my parent came to find me. Had a great time. Will up date on that after... some day. So before back to study ( or sleep), I just feel like talking. I am stressed. Really. I can feel the gastric in my acid boiling when I feel stressed. Haha. Really hate it when all the works pile up. But I know, is all my fault. Haha.

Nowadays, whenever I see there's a dog, i will imagine them as my dogs. =( Today passed through pet's clinic, I think of them. :'(

So, enough of emo, sad, stress or whatever. Today I thought of one way to help me overcome all this feeling which is to focus on whatever that is important now. I shall do what I can do now and also what I should do. It doesn't help by thinking of things that you can't do at that moment. Somehow, it depends... =)

I've no idea what I'm typing and I'm pretty sure there's some spelling error and a lot of grammar error. =.=

my bedsheet: L <3 VE and Jason's calculator. haha.

the ceiling of my room. full of spider web and is dirty =s

So, Good Night!

Good Luck for Instrumentation Test 1. God bless!

December 25, 2011

Waiting

Waiting has become part of everyday life. Waiting has become a habit. Consciously and unconsciously, we are waiting.Waiting for opportunities to come, waiting for miracles to happen, waiting for foods to be served, waiting to use public toilet, waiting for train, waiting for someone, waiting for the rain to stop, waiting for sun rise, waiting for bad day to be over soon, waiting for letter, waiting for holidays, waiting for the future to come soon, waiting to die,waiting for something that we don't know what we are waiting for and etc. Sometimes, waiting brings hopes and sometimes, waiting dismiss hopes.

Waiting can be really tired because you can never know what is coming up next. Waiting steals time, youth, money, energy and soul. The beauty of waiting is that it brings surprise. The outcome might be or might not be what we have expected. Waiting trained us to be patient enough to wait for everything that we want to hold on to.

The secret of waiting is to wait. Waiting can be either a short process or a long process from miliseconds to seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks to months to years and to inffinity. Certain things required us to wait for a little while while some other things required us to wait for forever. Time is not a constraint if we are waiting for we want. Waiting is subjective.

The worthiness of waiting? Only the one who waits, know and understand.
Again, waiting is tired. You never know.

等待很累。它可以很美。

***

It's beautiful and wonderful yet so miserable.

December 23, 2011

7 days to 2012

It's freaking 7 days towards the end of 2011 and also the beginning of 2012. If you ask me what had I did in 2011, damn, I couldn't answer it because things happened in a swift and times just went off like that. I already don't remember how many zillion times I've mentioned about time flies so fast but I still want to repeat that time really flies so fast like a rocket. One of my achievement in 2011 is I got a new camera. It is in one of my wish list in 2011. However, out of so many things that I've wished for in 2011, I only achieved one! =.= *fail, super fail* The others are sigh. Don't wanna mention. I will add them into my 2012 wish list. Since next year would be my last year in Uni *if nothing went wrong*, I would like to wish for more. I want to get a job of my interest and passion. Actually I already have my ideal job in my mind. I want to grab it fast before the Earth vanished. Please don't end everybody life in 2012. I haven't done so many things. Pray hard! However, I am really very very worry about my current result. I afraid I will fail. Worry die me. =(

you, little pimple, get thousand miles away from me, will you?

December 19, 2011

If I am not here.

If today is the last day of my life, I'd like to say, "I love you, dad and mum. Thanks for everything." This sentence which is also a message, is applied eternally. I always thought, how had it be if suddenly one day I vanished and I did not say these to them. Well, at least now, I have a blog, so if one day if I happen to be vanished, this is what I want them to know. =) All I hope for is you all to live happily. Hehe =) <3 I would still want to be your daughter in my next life and also the next next next... infinity.

19/12/11

With loves.

This is just a very very very random post. HAHA. Yesterday went to visit the kids again at Bagan Datoh. I had fun. Also, something happened between friends. I am helpless in being mediator. I'm not good in thing like this. All I can do is listen to you and try to be there for you whenever I can. I have a hard time dealing with relationship. I'm sucks at it. However, when come to relationships of all kind, I likes to come clear which is to be honest to one another. Honesty and be true is the way and key to solve problem. *for me* This is the key to avoid any further misunderstanding and conflicts or the history to be repeated again. I told you I hate human. HUMAN is as complicated as the most complicated thing in the world.

December 5, 2011

Spaghetti & some random photos & Bad Day

Tomato sausage spaghetti

I made this for my mum during her birthday. I'm so proud of myself to be able to come out with such a delicious spaghetti *self-praising*. Ahem. Hahaha. Thanks to the canned tomato sauce. All I did was add a little bit of pepper, salt, chilli sauce, white vinegar and red wine. It would taste nicer if it wasn't too sweet.

The ingredients: tomato,garlic, onion and sausage.

Canned tomato paste.

Last time, I tried cooking white mushroom sauce spaghetti. Somehow it failed. It burnt. @.@

***

Random photos:

I always have a very special feeling for starfish. =)

The x'mas deco at some random restaurant I went.

a random wall lamp

a random menu

a random me

a random & random me

Song of my day:

Yea, BAD DAY.

Feeling dissapointed in myself today. I did very stupid mistakes. Yea, stupid. I will not repeat all that again. When things already happened, I hate giving explanation. People don't listen to your explanation any more when thing has occurred. Your explanation will only make it sounds like an excuse. No more mistakes is all I can promised next time.

p/s: never rely too much on electronic device. (e.g, laptop & printer) I wonder what went wrong. F.

sing a sad song and it will turn around =)

our life doesn't stop here.

I'm fine, AGAIN!

November 23, 2011

Primary School.

This few days, I kept recalling back the past. All the memories have flown back to the days when I was in primary school. Many things has happened in primary school and they left me with such a deep impression. I went to Convent. It is an English + Malay school. That time, I don't even know how to speak or understand any one of it. Even the basic thing like A, B, C to Z, I knew none. Quite a hard time actually. Teacher even sent me to extra class because I knew nothing at all. Then year by year, from Standard 1 to 6, I climb up one by one. Reaching Standard 4 and 5 I was in the second class already. However, my performance was getting bad again. Ever since the first time I scored in Science, the rest of it, I failed all the way to Standard 6. Entering Standard 5, that was the first time I speak English. We were compelled to speak ONLY ENGLISH and MALAY in the school and NO MANDARIN. As I have said, I started speaking English in Standard 5. How did I survive? My friend even reported on me speaking mandarin to teacher. I got scolded badly. =( Till today, I still remember the girl's name. Bad girl ! It was really weird when you don't speak English especially everyone around you is speaking it. I was really shy to speak it out back then. I don't know why. I am glad that I knew a friend who speak only English. That's why I feeling more comfortable to speak it out. In Standard 5, I got the last place in the exam. I cried badly. My dad was very disappointed on me. Standard 4 and 5 were black holes in my life. I was very very bad for that age. Sigh. However, entering Standard 6, I turned over a new leaf. I turned into a good girl again. I can't believe I, from the last place, had climbed up to the first place! As for my Science which FAIL all the time, turned out to be a B in UPSR! ;'( I'm touched. LOL. Thanks for the efforts that all the teachers had put in. APPRECIATE. MY PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHERS WERE REALLY GOOD! Thumbssss UP!

Actually, there's so much things happening in primary school. It will take me days to finish up all the stories! Ahhhhh~ such a memory =)

I really envy those who are still wearing pinafore. Especially the dark blue colour one!

Below are some of the photos when I went back to Bagan Datoh to visit them. It was really fun. We played badminton and eat. The people there are really nice! =)

My god- sister. Congratulation to you on getting such a good result in UPSR. =)

That's all.

October 19, 2011

Some times ago, I realised there's something wrong within me. I do not understand why is it so but yes, it is. I realised that in every relationship, I never scored A. This relationship comes from all the aspects between people (family, friends, strangers, etc.) and things (anything).

I've never score above 80%.

I wonder who set this boundary for me.

It is just that I will repel beyond that point. Is quite a strong repel actually.

I do not like to get too attached to anyone and anything.

I do not like being like this actually.

It makes me being over sensitive towards everything.

Somehow, I think I'm such a *******

I wonder who actually know...

Maybe all this is due to family background and natural characteristic.

In fact, I actually like being alone but at the same time I love to be surrounded by people.

Well, it is confusing.

Yes, is a meaningless post.

I'll never ever try so hard to prove anything to anyone anymore.

I'm just gonna fight myself. I hope I can survive even if I'm gonna have bruises or scars all over me.

But there's one thing wrong about me..

_s_i_l_e_n_t_

After all, I guess everyone seeks for love and attention. Nobody likes to be ignored.

Sometimes I just hope nobody can see me. I want to hide and I think, I'm hiding.

Thisisarealmeaninglesspost.

September 4, 2011

Hallucination

You & I. Together, we looked into the same direction.

Does this picture gives you some kind of hallucination effect? Does it goes inward or does it protrudes outward? Well, it depends on your perception and how you see it.

Just like love.

To me, love is hallucination or maybe... delusion.